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Are My Children Faithful and Responsible?

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Last Updated on Monday, 14 September 2020 13:51

(Advice of ‘Allaamah ‘Abdul Wahhaab Sha’raani [rahimahullah])

Some seniors have mentioned that when your son grows up (and commences adulthood) then you should treat him like your (younger) brother (i.e. do not continue treating him like a child, but rather begin to train him by gradually giving him responsibilities and monitoring his progress).

I once saw a person who entrusted all his wealth to his son before he had tested his son (to see whether he was responsible and trustworthy or not). The son then said to the father, “O my father! I fear that my brothers will fight with me for this money. They will demand from me the money that I want to spend on you and your dependents. Hence, I want you to sign a document in which you relinquish all control of the money to me so that none of my brothers will have a valid case against me.” The father (trusted his son and) did as his son requested, after which his son claimed ownership of all the money and did not give his father even a single dirham (silver coin).

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Maintaining Moderation in Upbringing #2

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Last Updated on Wednesday, 19 August 2020 16:01

(Advice of ‘Allaamah ‘Abdul Wahhaab Sha’raani [rahimahullah])

My esteemed senior, ‘Ali Al-Khawaas (rahimahullah) would mention:

“Beware of speaking gently and displaying leniency with your children when they (tantrum or) have a fit of temper, as this will ruin their character and encourage them to continue defying you in the future. Instead, make them aware of their wrongs, and remind them of the punishment which Allah Ta‘ala has prepared for those who engage in these sins.

Beware of swearing your children or insulting them using indecent or vulgar language, as this will cause them to learn these words and then use them when speaking to their friends, and even when speaking to you!

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Spending on One’s Child

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Last Updated on Thursday, 25 June 2020 15:36

(Advice of ‘Allaamah ‘Abdul Wahhaab Sha’raani [rahimahullah])

Imaam Shaafi‘ee (rahimahullah) would say, “Training people (i.e. instilling in them correct character, qualities, etc.) is more difficult than training animals.”

Imaam Shaafi‘ee (rahimahullah) would also say, “Spend on your children, wife and servant to the extent of need. Do not completely hold back from spending on them, as they will then develop a strong disliking for you. At the same time, beware of giving them more wealth than they require, for they will become independent and you will lose control over them, as their obedience to you will be in proportion to their (financial) dependence on you.”

I heard my esteemed senior, ‘Ali Al-Khawwaas (rahimahullah) mentioning, “Do your best to give your children the correct upbringing, and make every effort to instill the disinterest of the world and its attractions within their hearts. Do not give your children money in their hands (i.e. to spend at their discretion), as they will then use the money to fulfill their desires and buy things that will corrupt and destroy them. Allah Ta‘ala mentions in the Quraan Majeed, ‘Do not give, to those who are weak in understanding, your property which Allah Ta‘ala has made a means of support (and sustenance) for you, but rather you provide for them with it and clothe them, and speak to them words of kindness.’” (Surah Nisaa v5)

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Maintaining Moderation in Upbringing #1

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Last Updated on Thursday, 20 February 2020 15:16

(Advice of ‘Allaamah ‘Abdul Wahhaab Sha’raani [rahimahullah])

‘Allaamah ‘Abdul Wahhaab Sha’raani (rahimahullah) was a renowned ‘Aalim and saint who was born in Egypt in 898 A.H. and passed away in 973 A.H. He writes the following:

One of the bounties of Allah Ta‘ala which I enjoyed was the bounty of entrusting the upbringing of my children and my brothers to Allah Ta‘ala (i.e. I made the appropriate effort to raise them correctly, but trusted in Allah Ta‘ala to make my effort successful, instead of trying to force my children to submit to my will).

I judged and gauged their actions in the light of the Quraan Majeed and sunnah. Hence, when they carried out a praiseworthy action, I would tell them, “Thank Allah (for enabling you to carry out this action),” and when they carried out any disapproved action, I would tell them, “Repent to Allah Ta‘ala.”

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What to Play?

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Last Updated on Thursday, 21 November 2019 16:07

It’s often said that children are like ‘tape recorders’. They have the uncanny ability to repeat words or statements that they hear, often verbatim, and sometimes at the most embarrassing moments. That is why people are often cautioned to watch what they say in front of their children, as the tape is always turning and cannot be switched off or erased thereafter (read more on this topic here).

To understand the effect of the ‘tape recorder’, think of those children whose parents use different forms of media to occupy or calm them. In most cases, these children, after some time, are able to sing entire songs or nursery rhymes from the beginning until the end, word for word, with almost no mistakes!

Hence, the question is, “What if we harness this unique and powerful ability of a child and use it for the benefit and empowerment of the child?” In other words, what if we carefully select certain things that we want the child to hear, and ensure that the child hears these things over and over again? If we do this, we will certainly succeed in entrenching certain vital and important things in the child’s brain, thus taking advantage of the child’s natural ability to equip him in life.

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