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Fed Up!

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Last Updated on Thursday, 13 October 2016 15:50

Ever heard of the ‘terrible two’s’? It’s the age where your endearing, innocent angel suddenly seems to transform into a bundle of tantrums. Even a mundane task such as feeding him or her becomes a battle of wills with the kitchen floor serving as the battlefield, covered in the debris of yet another meal refused.

Soon after follow the ‘terrifying threes’, ‘fearsome fours’ and ‘furious fives’. This breakdown in behaviour sometimes even continues into the ‘sour sixes’, ‘sneaky sevens’, ‘evil eights’ and ‘nasty nines’!    

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My Child’s Comfort

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Last Updated on Thursday, 01 September 2016 16:07

Sayyidah Zainab (radhiyallahu ‘anha), the beloved daughter of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), passed away in the eighth year after Hijrah.

Anas (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) mentions, “When Zainab (radhiyallahu ‘anha) passed away, we emerged with Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) (to attend to her burial) and saw that he (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) was extremely grieved and sad. (Such was his grief) that we did not speak to him until we arrived at the grave. When we reached the grave, we found that it was still being dug. Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) therefore sat for some time, speaking to himself and glancing at the sky, while we sat around him. When the grave was ready, Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) descended into it and I saw his grief intensify. When he had completed burying her and emerged from the grave, his blessed face was radiating relief and happiness. We therefore asked, ‘O Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam)! We saw the extent of your grief and hence were unable to even speak to you. We thereafter saw that you were suddenly very happy. What was the matter?’ He (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said, ‘I had remembered the narrowness and grief of the grave and I thought about Zainab and her weakness. This thought grieved me. I therefore made du‘aa to Allah Ta‘ala to grant her ease from the constraints and grief of the grave. Allah Ta‘ala accepted my du‘aa and granted her ease’.” (Majma’uz Zawaa’id, vol. 3, pg. 166)

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Don’t Interfere

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Last Updated on Wednesday, 20 July 2016 14:24

It often happens where the child misbehaves and is thus deserving of punishment. However, while one or both of the parents are expressing disapproval and wish to punish the child, the other parent or other parties (grandparents etc.) laugh at the “performance” of the child and try to protect the child. This is extremely detrimental as it confuses the moral compass of the child. The child is lead to understand that my behaviour is only disapproved in the eyes of my parents whereas others admire my antics. This encourages the child to “perform” for his spectators and to also resent his parents for punishing him as he feels that his ill behavior is actually acceptable.

Furthermore, the child becomes cunning and realizes that he can get away with ill behavior in the presence of these “protectors” and thus turns to them to continually undermine the authority of his parents.

It is thus essential that we do not, in any way, interfere when a parent metes out an appropriate punishment to their deserving child.

   

Empty Threats

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Last Updated on Thursday, 21 April 2016 15:56

When parents threaten their children with a certain punishment for misbehaving, provided that the punishment is appropriate and within the limits of sharee‘ah, and the child is deserving, it is essential that they implement the punishment.

While the parent has many functions to fulfil e.g. protector and one showing love, a very important role and function of the parent which serves to develop the child’s discipline and behavior is that of “figure of authority”.

If the parents fail in administering their threat, the child will lose his respect for them as the “figures of authority” in his life. He will view his parents as people who make empty threats because they cannot stick to their word and have a weak resolve. Apart from the harm caused by the child losing respect for his parents, they are further harming him by setting a bad example – the example of somebody who does not keep to their word.

   

Causing Moral Decay in our Children

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Last Updated on Thursday, 10 March 2016 15:32

One of the main reasons for the moral decay in many children is that when there is an occasion which demands love and affection, we punish and shout the child, and when the occasion warrants admonition, we show the child love and affection.

Often the child makes a mistake, and on realising his mistake is remorseful and intends to make amends. At this juncture, the child needs our warmth and support. If at such a time instead of supporting the child, one gets angry and reprimands him over his mistake, it may break his spirit and courage to change and rectify himself. In future he will not even consider correcting his mistake as he will think to himself “Whether I change or not, my parents will still shout at me.”

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