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The Gift of a Partner

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Last Updated on Thursday, 21 February 2013 07:50

In a marriage there are many signs by which we can recognize our Creator, Allah Ta‘ala. One such sign is that Allah Ta‘ala has created for us partners from amongst ourselves, from amongst our own class and type. It is not asked of us to marry some other species of creation. Thus do not just look at one’s spouse as one’s beloved partner in life, but rather as the “gift” that has been presented to us by Allah Ta‘ala. When one recieves a gift, instead of looking at the quantity and quality of the gift, one should instead look at the one who has given the gift. Any sensible person greatly treasures a gift given to him/her by a pious personality, even though it maybe something insignificant. In the same way Allah Ta‘ala has given us our partner as a gift. Therefore, always consider this and express gratitude to Allah Ta‘ala for his gift.

   

The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part 5 – Dealing with Problems)

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Last Updated on Saturday, 09 February 2013 09:18

1. Learn to forgive your husband. Remember the English adage 'To err is human, to forgive is Divine.'

2. Misunderstandings and minor differences should not be suppressed. Rather discuss them in an amicable manner, or else this could ultimately lead to a broken marriage (Allah Ta’ala save us.) 

Read more: The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part 5 – Dealing with Problems)

   

The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part 4 – Don’ts)

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Last Updated on Friday, 08 February 2013 06:18

1. Do not disclose your husband's secrets or faults to other family members or friends. Always conceal one another's faults. It is a major sin to discuss one’s intimate relationship with one’s spouse with others. Nabi (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “One of the worst people in the sight of Allah Ta’ala on the day of Qiyaamah is a man who was intimate with his wife and thereafter he publicizes it” (Muslim #3542).

2. Never compare nor mention the handsomeness, character, wealth or generosity of other men to your husband. This is extremely insensitive and may cause jealousy, suspicion and unnecessary doubts in his mind. Accept your husband for what he is and do not cast lustful glances at other men. By doing so, you will lose the love of your husband and by controlling your gaze, your love for your husband will increase and you will attain the sweetness of imaan.

3. Do not mingle with or speak to strange men. This will severely harm your marriage. Never allow any strange man to enter your house in the absence of your husband, no matter how well you or your husband know him. 

NB: Strange (ghayr-mahram) in the sharee’ah refers to all people with whom marriage is permissible in Islam. Included among them are cousins, brothers-in-laws, parent's sister's spouses, father and mother-in-law's brothers, etc. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The male relatives of the husband are death (in other words, just as one fears death, one should fear fitnah, mischief, and corruption from the husband’s male relatives)” (Bukhari #5232). There are many cases where an illicit relationship was established in family circles. The consequences of not upholding the laws of hijaab, especially between a woman and her husband’s male relatives, are disastrous. Never trust the carnal-self.

4. Do not keep in touch or communicate with any male acquaintances from the past, even if they are ‘just good friends’. This is forbidden and is also extremely detrimental to the marriage. 

5. Avoid raising your voice and NEVER yell at your husband, especially in public. You will hurt his ego. Do not become his mouthpiece. If he is asked a question, let him answer it himself. Do not make decisions for him, nor interrupt his discussions. 

6. Never demand back any gift given to your spouse, even if the marriage ends in divorce. It is totally forbidden to repossess gifts given at the time of marriage or at any other time.

   

The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part 3 – Politeness, Appreciation & Domestic chores)

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Last Updated on Friday, 08 February 2013 06:16

Politeness and Appreciation: 

1. Do not be a wife who is demanding and who imposes upon her husband. This leads to serious conflicts. Learn to request politely, rather than demand. 

2. Do not feel shy to compliment your husband. Make him feel important and win him over with kind words. Adopt a cheerful appearance. This will light up the face of even a gloomy husband. On the other hand, nagging will produce the opposite effect.

Read more: The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part 3 – Politeness, Appreciation & Domestic chores)

   

The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part2 - General Conduct)

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Last Updated on Friday, 08 February 2013 06:16

1. When your husband enters the home, always make salaam cheerfully and give him a warm affectionate smile, no matter how difficult your day may have been. Similarly, when he leaves the home in the morning, make a point of making salaam and kissing him. Salaam is a means of engendering great love and happiness in the home. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) advised Anas (radiyallahu anhu) thus: “Oh my son! When you enter your home, make salaam to your family, it will be a means of blessings for you and for them” (Tirmizi #2698). (NB: Any act of intimacy, no matter how small, must NEVER be done in the presence of children, even if they are not of a discerning age.) 

2. If you had a difficult or tiring day, try to appear cheerful. Do not tell him your difficulties as soon as he enters the home. This could cause him to become angry. Gradually try to win his compassion and sympathy. 

3. You should abstain from all things and every form of behavior that your husband disapproves of. Acquaint yourself with his moods and act accordingly to earn his pleasure. 

4. Do not increase his worries. Strive to become a source of comfort and peace for him. 

Read more: The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part2 - General Conduct)

   

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