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The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part 4 – Don’ts)

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Last Updated on Friday, 08 February 2013 06:18

1. Do not disclose your husband's secrets or faults to other family members or friends. Always conceal one another's faults. It is a major sin to discuss one’s intimate relationship with one’s spouse with others. Nabi (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “One of the worst people in the sight of Allah Ta’ala on the day of Qiyaamah is a man who was intimate with his wife and thereafter he publicizes it” (Muslim #3542).

2. Never compare nor mention the handsomeness, character, wealth or generosity of other men to your husband. This is extremely insensitive and may cause jealousy, suspicion and unnecessary doubts in his mind. Accept your husband for what he is and do not cast lustful glances at other men. By doing so, you will lose the love of your husband and by controlling your gaze, your love for your husband will increase and you will attain the sweetness of imaan.

3. Do not mingle with or speak to strange men. This will severely harm your marriage. Never allow any strange man to enter your house in the absence of your husband, no matter how well you or your husband know him. 

NB: Strange (ghayr-mahram) in the sharee’ah refers to all people with whom marriage is permissible in Islam. Included among them are cousins, brothers-in-laws, parent's sister's spouses, father and mother-in-law's brothers, etc. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The male relatives of the husband are death (in other words, just as one fears death, one should fear fitnah, mischief, and corruption from the husband’s male relatives)” (Bukhari #5232). There are many cases where an illicit relationship was established in family circles. The consequences of not upholding the laws of hijaab, especially between a woman and her husband’s male relatives, are disastrous. Never trust the carnal-self.

4. Do not keep in touch or communicate with any male acquaintances from the past, even if they are ‘just good friends’. This is forbidden and is also extremely detrimental to the marriage. 

5. Avoid raising your voice and NEVER yell at your husband, especially in public. You will hurt his ego. Do not become his mouthpiece. If he is asked a question, let him answer it himself. Do not make decisions for him, nor interrupt his discussions. 

6. Never demand back any gift given to your spouse, even if the marriage ends in divorce. It is totally forbidden to repossess gifts given at the time of marriage or at any other time.

   

The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part 3 – Politeness, Appreciation & Domestic chores)

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Last Updated on Friday, 08 February 2013 06:16

Politeness and Appreciation: 

1. Do not be a wife who is demanding and who imposes upon her husband. This leads to serious conflicts. Learn to request politely, rather than demand. 

2. Do not feel shy to compliment your husband. Make him feel important and win him over with kind words. Adopt a cheerful appearance. This will light up the face of even a gloomy husband. On the other hand, nagging will produce the opposite effect.

Read more: The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part 3 – Politeness, Appreciation & Domestic chores)

   

The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part2 - General Conduct)

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Last Updated on Friday, 08 February 2013 06:16

1. When your husband enters the home, always make salaam cheerfully and give him a warm affectionate smile, no matter how difficult your day may have been. Similarly, when he leaves the home in the morning, make a point of making salaam and kissing him. Salaam is a means of engendering great love and happiness in the home. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) advised Anas (radiyallahu anhu) thus: “Oh my son! When you enter your home, make salaam to your family, it will be a means of blessings for you and for them” (Tirmizi #2698). (NB: Any act of intimacy, no matter how small, must NEVER be done in the presence of children, even if they are not of a discerning age.) 

2. If you had a difficult or tiring day, try to appear cheerful. Do not tell him your difficulties as soon as he enters the home. This could cause him to become angry. Gradually try to win his compassion and sympathy. 

3. You should abstain from all things and every form of behavior that your husband disapproves of. Acquaint yourself with his moods and act accordingly to earn his pleasure. 

4. Do not increase his worries. Strive to become a source of comfort and peace for him. 

Read more: The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part2 - General Conduct)

   

The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part1 - Ahaadeeth & Obedience)

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Last Updated on Friday, 08 February 2013 06:19

Ahaadeeth:

Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The woman who offers her five times salaah, fasts in the month of Ramadaan, protects her honour and obeys her husband, has the choice of entering Jannah from whichever door she wishes to enter from” (Ibnu Hibbaan #4163). Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “The woman who passes away in such a state that her husband is happy with her will enter Jannah” (Tirmizi #1161). Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) also said: “If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone besides Allah Ta’ala, I would have commanded the woman to prostrate to her husband. If the husband orders the wife to carry the boulders of one mountain to the next and then to a third, she should do so” (Ibnu Maajah #1852).

Obedience:

1. Obey your husband in all permissible matters. This will draw the mercy of Allah Ta’ala. Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “After the Taqwa (fear) of Allah Ta’ala, there is no favour that a believer may enjoy better than a pious wife. If he instructs her she obeys him, if he looks towards her, she brings delight to him, if he takes an oath for her to do something she carries it out and if he is away from her (on a journey, etc.) she acts in good faith regarding her personal self and his wealth” (Ibnu Maajah #1857).

2. Never regard your obedience and service to your husband in mundane acts as insignificant. In fulfilling his wishes, you are obeying the command of Allah Ta’ala who has made incumbent upon you total obedience to your husband (in permissible matters). Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said to a woman: “Your husband is either your Jannah or your Jahannum” (Muwatta Imaam Muhammamad #951).

Read more: The Road to a Happy Marriage (Part1 - Ahaadeeth & Obedience)

   

The object of Marriage

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Last Updated on Friday, 08 February 2013 06:21

One of the primary objects of nikah (marriage) as explained by Allah Ta’ala in the Quraan Majeed is that we may find sukoon (peace of mind and contentment of the heart) in our partner. The object is not that we get a very wealthy or a highly qualified husband. In the present times unfortunately we choose a husband on the basis of our worldly pleasures and desires.

No doubt after such a marriage we do enjoy temporary fun and pleasure, but we are definitely deprived of a pious deeni life, peace, contentment and eternal happiness. If the foundation of a marriage is Islam and piety, then only will the couple be a means of tranquility to each other. If there is no deen in a marriage, then that marriage will be full of stress, restlessness and sadness. Tea without sugar has no sweetness; marriage without Islam has no real happiness.

   

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