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Upbringing of Children

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Correspondence of Hazrat Moulana Yunus Patel Saheb (rahimahullah)

Letter: 

Assalaamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

Respected Moulana

Alhamdulillah, I am in hijaab and punctual with salaah. I try to please Allah Ta‘ala and follow the sunnah. However, since I have had my daughter, I find bringing her up to be very trying and so I sometimes lose my temper. She is now two years old and very demanding, always wanting my attention and disrupting me.

Please guide me and advise me as to what I should do.

Reply:

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

Respected Sister 

Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

1. Masha-Allah, it is very pleasing to note the effort that you are making to please Allah Ta‘ala. May Allah Ta‘ala grant you istiqaamah (steadfastness) and acceptance.

2. Islam has conferred great rights upon the mother due to having carried the baby for nine months, suffering weakness upon weakness and thereafter the trauma of childbirth, and also due to the many sacrifices that follow once the child has come into the world. For all these sacrifices, Allah Ta‘ala grants immense rewards. Thus, inculcate the quality of sabr (patience) by thinking of the great rewards that you will earn.

3. Almost all mothers describe the age of around two years as the ‘terrible twos’. This is because children generally become stubborn and rebellious at this age and are a great test of patience. Hence, you are not alone in your frustration. However, you should be careful not to allow your frustration to get the better of you so that you begin to hit the child. Many mothers feel that since it is their children, they can do as they like. Generally, it is not for the sake of tarbiyah (upbringing) and discipline that they hit the child, but due to their frustration. This is incorrect.

Keep in mind that your child is a trust from Allah Ta‘ala for which you will be questioned.

4. When distressed or frustrated, make du‘aa for your daughter, and do not ever curse her, since a mother’s du‘aa is quickly accepted.

5. May Allah Ta‘ala make the upbringing of your daughter easy for you, and may He make her the coolness of your eyes and the comfort and delight of your heart. May Allah Ta‘ala make all your tasks easy as well.

Was salaamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

Yunus Patel (Moulana)