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Inquisitive Mother in Law

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Correspondence of Hazrat Moulana Yunus Patel Saheb (rahimahullah)

Letter: 

Respected Moulana

Whenever I intend to go out, my mother in law asks me where I am going. I am finding this very annoying. I feel she is being too nosey. Do I have to tell her?

There is no place my husband and I go to without her wanting to know where we are going. I find this very interfering in my marriage and feel she just wants to exercise her authority over her youngest son. Is it still his duty to answer her, or can we just say we are going out, greet her and not tell her the actual places?

Reply:

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

As Salaamu ‘alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuh

Respected Sister in Islam

1. Whilst, you do not have to inform her of your every movement, it is advisable that when you are going out, especially if it will be for a few hours, to let her know that you are going out, and that if there is any important message, she will be able to contact you on your cell-phone.

2. Ignore what you term as her being “nosey”. Parents generally incline to worry, apprehension and fear when it comes to their children – especially considering the dangerous times that we live in. Her questions should be attributed to that motherly concern.

Exercise patience and appease her worry, by informing her when you do go out. This will win her appreciation. And in this way, you will also get her du‘aas for your safety and safe return home.

So, although there is no obligation, it is in the interest of maintaining a good relationship that you do so, moreover since you are living together.

3. Indeed as the mother her rights over your husband are great. Therefore though this as a big challenge, you should nevertheless be encouraging your husband to respond correctly in these matters, so that he is not disrespectful to his mother and does not hurt her feelings. In doing so, you will be very greatly rewarded. 

Was Salaamu ‘alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuh

Yunus Patel (Maulana)