Taking Guidance from One’s Parents in Choosing a Spouse

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Question:

Assalaamu ‘alaikum

Respected ‘Ulama

I have been trying to convince my parents to get me married to a certain boy that I have known since childhood as we both like each other and would like to get married. However, my parents are very judgemental and seem to hate him because he is not from a high-status family.

They do not want to listen to me or any of the ‘Ulama that we have spoken to regarding this marriage. I was even told that I would never get married to him – even if it means staying unmarried for my entire life! I have received proposals from other boys, but I am simply not interested in anyone else.

Please help me and tell me what I can do.

Jazakallah

Answer:

Bismihi Ta‘ala

Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barkaatuh

Respected Sister in Islam

Marriage is a major step in life. One should not take such a big step in life without the blessings of one’s parents. Sometimes, from your perspective, it may appear that your parents are merely being difficult and judgemental. However, young people often fail to appreciate the reasoning of their parents who are considering the choice from a more realistic angle. While we acknowledge that some parents do make incorrect judgements, they generally have the experience and insight which their children do not possess.

Therefore, if your parents are not happy about your choice, we sincerely suggest that you forget about this person and consider the proposals that are coming. Insha-Allah there will be much good in this.

At the most, discuss the matter with some senior, level-headed person in the family. If he sees the merit in your choice, he may discuss the matter with your parents. However, if this fails, we urge you to adopt the advice above.

Answered by:

Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama