Parents Fighting

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Question:

Assalaamu ‘alaikum

Respected ‘Ulama

Kindly advise me on the following matter:

My parents fight a lot. They scream at each other and do not get along. This happens every few months and lasts for a few weeks or months. Both are at fault.

This makes me angry and depressed. I understand that it is not my fault and this is a test from Allah Ta‘ala, however I don’t know what to do to help or solve the problem.

Please advise me and make du‘aa for us.

Answer:

Bismihi Ta‘ala

Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

Respected Sister in Islam

This is indeed very challenging and traumatic to witness. May Allah Ta‘ala make it easy for you and remove every difficulty. May Allah Ta‘ala grant your parents mutual love, respect and a relationship that will filter harmony into your home.

Remember to respect both of them as this is important, in spite of their weaknesses and shortcomings.

Try and do the following;

1. Perform Salaatul Haajah daily and earnestly make du‘aa, preferably at Tahajjud time.

2. Give sadaqah in their name with the intention that Allah Ta‘ala guides them to do what is right and increases the love and understanding between them.

3. Write a letter to them, highlighting the following:

- How grateful you are for all the good that they have done for you.

- Your concern about their behaviour and that it is unhealthy for them to continuously argue and fight, as this behaviour is having an adverse effect on you.

- How happy you would be if they could be happy together.

- Du‘aas for them - their well-being, happiness and prosperity.

- Suggest that they seek assistance from a senior ‘Aalim or senior family member if they cannot come to an understanding.

4. Daily ta’leem of Fazaail-e-Aa’maal for few minutes. Do not force them, rather encourage them to join.

5. Try and introduce a time when the whole family will read the Quraan Majeed and make zikr together.

The above are guidelines regarding your relationship with them. As for yourself, the following would be beneficial for you:

1. Regard this as a test from Allah Ta‘ala, for which Allah Ta‘ala would reward you for every bit of patience that you make. Every moment of distress and pain that you experience does not go unnoticed by Allah Ta‘ala. Make du‘aa for ridhaa bil qadhaa (i.e. Allah Ta‘ala grant you the ability to be happy with his decision).

2. Ponder that there are other people in greater difficulty than you.

3. Read the following du‘aas abundantly:

لَا إِلٰهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّيْ كُنْتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِيْنَ

There is none worthy of worship besides You, You are pure! Indeed, I am from the wrongdoers.

يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّوْمُ بِرَحْـمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيْث

O the Ever-Living! O the Sustainer of all in existence! It is through Your mercy alone that I seek assistance!

May Allah Ta‘ala bless the home with love, understanding and happiness. 

Answered by:

Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama