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Mental Abuse from Husband

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Question:

Assalaamu ‘alaikum

Respected ‘Ulama

I would like to know what are the rights of a woman who is being mentally and verbally abused by her husband? 

Is it right for my husband to keep picking on my past and my parents, saying that they are faulty, and that they are old and set in their ways. If they are faulty, do I have to hear about it every day, whether we are arguing or not? 

Can a husband boss his wife if she doesn’t want to do something saying that she has to follow his rules and do as he says because he is the husband, the man of the house and does she have to have an explanation for everything? If she doesn’t want to do something or go somewhere does she have to give him her reason? 

Can a wife ask her husband for some time alone, meaning that she doesn’t want to go with him to his parents’ house, whilst not stopping him from going? 

What can a woman do if she is unhappy? 

Answer:

Bismihi Ta‘ala

Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

Respected Sister in Islam

1. In the light of what you have described regarding your husband, it is obvious that his conduct is wrong and an example of extremely poor akhlaaq and character. It is sinful to abuse someone mentally in this manner and to keep picking on their faults or taunting them about the weaknesses of their parents etc.

2. Akhlaaq demands that both spouses interact with each other with good character, consideration and that they should accommodate one another as far as possible. To keep harassing somebody or merely issuing instructions etc. is not part of good akhlaaq and is not the correct way to conduct oneself. It is unbecoming to keep asking for an explanation for every small little thing. If something of importance requires an explanation, then it is in order.

3. The same applies with having some time alone. Indeed, there should not be any pressure to constantly and repeatedly go to where you are uncomfortable for whatever reason. To occasionally join him would be important but otherwise you should allow him to continue on his own.

4. Perform 2 rakaats Salaatul Haajah daily and make sincere du‘aa and beg the help of Allah Ta‘ala. Also commence with the daily ta’leem of the Fazaail Aa’maal in your home together with your husband. This would bring tremendous benefit. The key is to do it with consistency and regularity even if it is for just approximately 10 minutes daily.

May Allah Ta‘ala bless you with happiness in your marriage.

Answered by:

Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama