Home Women's Issues Q&A How to Repent and Reconnect with Allah

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How to Repent and Reconnect with Allah

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Question:

Assalaamu ‘alaikum

Respected ‘Ulama

I am a teenage girl from a pious family. I do perform namaaz, the sunnah rakaats, recite the Quraan and engage in zikr - but most of the time, I just do all of these robotically, and rarely do I perform them with sincerity.

Although I come from a very pious family, my heart is filled with filth. I find it extremely hard to lower my gaze, and unknown to my mother, I watch videos late at night and I read romantic novels, but at the same time, I also perform Tahajjud Salaah and other ‘ibaadah (though rarely with sincerity).

Often, I fantasize about something haraam in my mind when I go to bed and continue fantasizing until I fall asleep - may Allah forgive me. I feel lost, and at times, there’s like an empty void, and although everyone’s happy around me, I feel so lonely.

The saddest part is that while many guys and girls out there fall in haraam without knowing the major consequences, I commit sins knowing it’s haraam and knowing that Allah’s punishment could fall on me at any time.

Sometimes, I ask myself whether Allah has closed the doors of hidaayat for me already, because I want to establish a connection with Him, yet I can’t seem to. Sometimes, my heart bursts with sincere du‘aas, but when I sit on the prayer mat and raise my hands, I’m unable to form words, so I simply wipe my face and get up!

I feel so lost! I feel so broken, yet I don’t know where, how and what I should do to stand up and build a connection with my Creator.

I humbly request your du‘aas and advice.

A wretched slave of the Most Merciful

Answer:

Bismihi Ta‘ala

Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

Respected Sister in Islam

Masha-Allah, the remorse and regret over your shortcomings and your desire to become an obedient slave of Allah Ta‘ala is a special favour from Allah Ta‘ala and is His special help. However, it is now very important to latch onto this “lifeline” and this opportunity to turn to Him.

The first and most important aspect is to turn to Allah Ta‘ala in sincere repentance. Perform 4 rakaats nafl of Salaatut Taubah. Then make istighfaar at least 200 times. Thereafter, make sincere du‘aa to Allah Ta‘ala to forgive you and bless you with taufeeq (divine ability) to do that which pleases Him.

Daily do the following:

100 times istighfaar. (Even the short formula of istighfaar, such as “Astaghfirullah” may be recited, but it should be done very consciously and very deeply.) 

100 times Durood Shareef. (Even the short formula of Durood Shareef such as “sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam” may be recited. Here also, the important aspect is to do it with much love and respect and very consciously.)

100 times “Subhanallahi wa bi hamdihi”  

111 times “Laa ilaaha illa anta subhaanaka innee kuntu minaz zaalimeen”

Daily make ta’leem of the Fazaail Aa’maal with the family.

Read from the Fazaail Sadaqaat (Part 2) daily for 10 minutes.

Listen to a bayaan of one of the senior Mashaayikh at least once a week.

When going to sleep, keep a tasbeeh counter on your hand and keep reciting Durood Shareef till you fall asleep.

May Allah Ta‘ala assist you and bless you with a special connection with Him.

Answered by:

Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama