Home Women's Issues Q&A Wicked Sister in Law

Please Note

This section generally contains selected correspondence which we receive via this website. They are published for general benefit without mentioning any names. Certain questions have been summarised to maintain anonymity. Furthermore keep the following points in mind when reading these questions:

1. Often many people have very similar circumstances. Never speculate about the identity of the person asking.
2. Never look down upon others or regard oneself as better than anyone.
3. Make du’aa for everyone.

When sending a question if you feel uncomfortable with it being published, please make mention of it.

Wicked Sister in Law

PDFPrintE-mail

Question:

Assalaamu ‘alaikum 

I request advice regarding the relationship with my sister in law. 

My sister in law doesn’t speak to me or sms me. She doesn't keep in contact with me at all, until it suits her. I want to have a relationship with her like a sister, but she doesn't bother with me at all. After speaking to her several times and begging her to please keep in contact with me so that we can have a good relationship she said straight, if she wants to she will. 

My in laws support her too and feel she is not wrong in any way. All I’m asking is to be taken part of the family like a sister and to also be in contact with me like how she is with everyone else. She has time for boyfriends, cousins, friends, and whenever it comes to me, she says, “I’m busy.” Also I was sick and she didn't even call or sms to find out about my health yet when she hurt herself, I put my broken heart aside and messaged her. It breaks my heart. 

I have reached a point where I decided to also not bother with her anymore. Is this ok? I do my duty to greet her now and then to enquire how she is, but I feel it is not necessary for me to answer any further questions she asks me, because she doesn’t bother with me at all, until I contact her. Is it ok to not reply her then? 

I am completely heartbroken and I don’t even feel like going to my in laws home anymore since I am treated like I am non-existent, until they decide to finally remember me. Do I really need to beg them to keep in contact? 

It makes me wonder, that tomorrow if my in laws are no more, what relationship will my husband and I then have with his siblings, when this is the attitude they have towards me and my in laws don’t even feel it is wrong in any way? 

Also is there any dua to pray to get my in laws and sister in law to open their hearts to me.

Jaza​kaallah

Answer:

Respected Sister

Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

This world is full of challenges. However, it is a temporary abode. The real abode is the Hereafter. In this short life we need to make the maximum investments for the Hereafter.

While it is sad that your sister-in-law is treating you in this manner, turn this negative into your positive. You return her ill treatment with good treatment. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) is reported to have said: “Join ties with the one who severs relationship with you, give the one who has deprived you, and forgive the one who has oppressed you.” (Musnad Ahmad #17452)

In order to practise on this hadeeth, one will have to adopt good akhlaaq (character). In adopting good character one has to suppress one’s emotions. This takes a lot of courage. However, the reward for this is very great. Rasulullah (sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam) is reported to have said: “There is nothing heavier on the scales of good deeds on the day of Qiyaamah than good character.” (Sunan Tirmizi #2002)

Despite your sister-in-law’s bad treatment, if you continue to maintain family ties, you will receive all the great rewards for this. Among the rewards are barkat (blessings) in life and barkat in wealth. Insha-Allah, you will see all of this. The only condition is that you must remain steadfast and persevere – for the sake of Allah Ta‘ala alone.

You do not have to keep any close relationship, in the sense that you are daily calling or smsing etc. You may call her occasionally, visit your in-laws as is reasonably expected, be cordial and pleasant when you meet her (as if there is no problem, even though from within you are suppressing your feelings) and occasionally give her some small gift.

In all these actions the intention must be to please Allah Ta‘ala. Do not focus on her very poor and unbecoming conduct. Focus on what you have to do. Also, regularly take her name and make du‘aa for her. Insha-Allah this will impact positively on her.

Please read this du‘aa and booklet. Insha-Allah you will benefit greatly.

Answered by: 

Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama