“The kids are driving me up the wall!”… “I’ve got the most terrible migraine! It feels as if my head is splitting!”…
We all have our portion of problems in life. Whether it’s a toddler with a tantrum, unreasonable in-laws or nosey neighbours, peoples’ problems and challenges span all spheres of life. Moreover, problems do not make an appointment or give us ‘advance notice’ before stopping by – they arrive out of the blue and stay as long as they wish.
Being human, it is natural for us to be emotionally affected by circumstances. Depending on the nature of the problem, we may feel depressed, angered or even humiliated. In some instances, we may turn to someone and confide in them to seek advice. However, in other instances, many of us turn to our husbands and complain to them in order to ‘off-load’ and receive some sympathy.
Complaining to our husbands is undoubtedly therapeutic, as it allows us to vent our frustration and release our pent-up emotions. ‘Off-loading’ on our husbands, however, burdens them with the ‘load’. While raising important issues in an appropriate manner is in order, and while perhaps a once-in-a-while reasonable ‘off-loading’ in a suitable time may not become a problem, we should nevertheless be considerate and also think of the effect that it has on them. (see here for an inspiring story in this regard).
Often, a man enters the home after a tiring day, anticipating a warm welcome. Instead, he is instantly assaulted by a ‘tsunami’ of complaints. If the complaints are not ‘dished out’ as soon as he enters the door, then they are often served alongside the sweet-dish as he sits to enjoy his meal, thus souring the sweet-dish. Sometimes, the husband is happy and cheerful when he arrives at home, but with the commencement of the complaints, his happiness rapidly evaporates.
Whatever the case, if the husband is hearing constant complaints from his wife, or the complaints are coming at inopportune moments, it may, after some time, begin to depress him or even irritate him. Obviously, this is not at all conducive to a happy and healthy marriage. If this is the case, however, then what should we do? After all, if we ‘bottle up’ our problems, we’ll eventually have a mental breakdown!
The solution is simple – we should address all our complaints, big and small, to Allah Ta‘ala. If we complain to people, we will release our frustrations and gain some pity and consolation, but after perpetually complaining to people, a time will come when they will tire of our complaints.
By raising our hands before Allah Ta‘ala, crying from the depths of our hearts and placing every problem before Him, we will gain not only solace from our distress, but will also gain the help and assistance of Allah Ta‘ala. Furthermore, this act of complaining to Allah Ta‘ala in du‘aa is itself a form of ‘ibaadah for which we are greatly rewarded!
Nabi Ya’qoob (‘alaihis salaam) was extremely grieved and saddened over his separation from his beloved son, Nabi Yusuf (‘alaihis salaam). His grief was such that he cried until he even lost his eyesight! However, despite the extent of his grief and sorrow, Nabi Ya’qoob (‘alaihis salaam) mentioned, “I only complain of my anguish and grief to Allah Ta‘ala!” (Surah Yusuf v86)
May Allah Ta‘ala enable us all to soothe the ache of our grief with the tears of our du‘aa, and to turn our complaints to Him, aameen.