How do I raise my children correctly and discipline them appropriately? I know that it is not permissible for one to beat his children excessively, but I feel as though there is no other option because of the stubbornness of the children. Is there any other way of disciplining children without disobeying Allah Ta‘ala?
Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barkaatuh
Respected Sister in Islam
The upbringing of children is an extremely important aspect in Deen. It requires one to have the correct knowledge of how to raise children, and to have the right tact and diplomacy in dealing with children.
One has to be firm with one’s children, but that firmness must be with a lot of compassion, kindness, love and affection. In order to discipline a child, one should have appropriate and reasonable disciplinary measures. Generally, when a child is regularly beaten, then the experience has been that such a child becomes even more stubborn and the beating and spanking then serves no purpose. Thereafter, the child starts rebelling.
To spank a child in anger is extremely dangerous for one’s Deen and dunya. If the parent spanks the child in anger, there is a fear that the parent could be taken to task on the Day of Qiyaamah, since the hitting in anger would result in overstepping the mark and would be oppression on the child.
One of the effective ways of disciplining a child is to set out clear requirements which are reasonable and clear consequences for not fulfilling those requirements. The consequences should generally be the withholding of some privileges. For instance, if a child has not fulfilled what was required of him, or has done something that he should not have done which was clearly pointed out to him, then he would not be given any spending money for a few days or he should be deprived of some luxuries, etc. This requires the parent to be firm in whatever has been decided, and then even if the child cries and tantrums, the parent must not give in to the demand of the child. After making a hue and cry about it for a few times, he would understand that until he has not fulfilled the requirements, he will not be given the luxury or the privilege that he wants. Insha-Allah he will then start becoming more obedient.
Daily conduct ta’leem of the Fazaail-e-Aa’maal for at least 10 minutes. Insha-Allah you will see tremendous benefit in this.
Click here for an article which may assist you in this regard. You should also consult the following books which will give you ample guidance with regards to the upbringing of children:
1. Upbringing of Children by Ml. Moosa Olgar.
2. The Ideal Father/Mother.
May Allah Ta‘ala assist you in this important task and make your children obedient to you, and more importantly, to Allah Ta‘ala.
Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama