Question:
Assalaamu ‘alaikum
Respected ‘Ulama
I have been married for three years. My problem may not seem very large, but I still seek guidance.
When my husband and I got married, we were living in a certain area. The same month, he secured a job in another area near my parents and close to his village, where his mother resides. Due to the nature of my work, I could not transfer, so I stopped working to be with my husband.
Here is my concern: ever since our marriage, my husband has never helped my family financially. For a whole year, I could not find work, and I was unable to give my parents any support. I remember that during that time my father did not have the money to pay my brother’s examination fees, and I had to borrow from him.
Alhamdulillah, after a year I managed to get a job. My husband then asked that I buy groceries and other household items while he covers rent, electricity, water, and other essentials. I felt this was fair. However, after buying these necessities, I am often left with very little money. I cannot even buy an ‘abaayah for myself that I like, let alone assist my parents.
My parents live in a rented house and also care for the children of my father’s late sister. My father has never come to our home to ask for help, though I know that at times they struggle. On the other hand, my mother in-law visits almost every month, and my husband gives her money on every occasion. She grows her own food, and he assists with labour and even fertiliser. Meanwhile, my parents must purchase thier own food.
I do not ask my husband to give my parents money, but I wish he would at least relieve me of some household responsibilities so that I can help my parents. The situation has become more difficult since he bought a car on loan, which deducts almost half his salary each month. He is also pursuing a master’s degree and must pay his fees from his salary. As a result, I find myself shouldering more than my fair share of responsibilities.
My husband has two brothers who help their mother, but I am the only one in my family who is educated and employed. I have exercised patience for a long time, but I feel tempted at times. A few months ago, for the first time in my marriage, I lied to my husband about the price of something I bought so that I could use the remaining money to buy shoes for my younger cousin. This makes me feel guilty, and sometimes I feel like confessing to him.
Additionally, my husband expects me to contribute towards fuel so that he can drop me off and pick me up from work, as my office is very far from our home.
I seek guidance on how to manage these responsibilities and my feelings, while remaining patient, just, and truthful in my marriage.
Answer:
Bismihi Ta‘ala
Respected Sister
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh
1. It is the duty of a husband to provide for the needs of his family.
2. Our suggestion is that you seriously consider engaging in some type of work from home. This will save much of the issues and insha Allah there will be more barakah.
3. You are entitled to give your money to your parents. However, do so in a way that does not create problems within your household.
4. Daily read Fazaail-e-Aa’maal for about 10 minutes with your husband. Insha Allah this will soften his heart.
Was Salaam
Allah Ta‘ala Knows Best