Question:
(unedited)
Asalaam alaikum
I’ve been married for three years. My problem is not that big but still I need help. When my husband and I got married we were living in a certain area. The same month he got another job in another area where my parents stay and close to his village where his mother stays. Due to some conditions of my work I couldn’t transfer so I stopped working so I could stay with my husband.Now here’s my problem. Ever since my husband and I got married he has never helped my family financially. I couldn’t find work for a whole year and I gave my parents nothing. I remember that time my father had no money to pay my brothers examination fees and I had to borrow from him. A year later Alihamdulilah I managed to get a job. My husband said I must be buying groceries and relish while he pays rent, electricity, water bills and other essentials. I felt it was fair. The problem is after buying these things I remain with little money I cant even buy myself that Abaya I like let alone talk of helping my parents. My parents live in a rented house and takes care of his late sisters children. He has never come to our house to ask for anything but I know that he’s suffering at times. My mother in-law on the other hand pays us a visit almost each and every month end and my husband gives her money on every occasion. My mother in-law grows food and my husband helps with labour and even fertilizer. My parents rely on food which they buy. I don’t ask my husband to give my parents money but at least relieve me of some of my responsibilities so I can help my parents.Now things seem to be worse since he bought a car on loan which they deduct almost half of his salary every month he’s doing his masters degree and has to pay fees from his salary.I have to do more than my responsibilities. My husband has two brothers who help in assisting the mother but I am the only one who is educated enough in my family and has a job. I have held my patience long enough and am being tempted. Few months ago for the first time in my marriage I lied to my husband about the price of something I bought so I could use the other money to buy shoes for my younger cousin. This is making me feel bad that sometimes I feel like telling him. He also tells me to contribute money for fuel so he can drop me and pick me from work since my office is very far away from where we stay.
Please please help.
Answer:
Bismihi Ta’ala
Respected Sister
Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu
1. It is the duty of the husband to see to the needs of his family.
2. My suggestion is that you seriously consider doing something from home. This will save much of the issues and there will be more barkat.
3. You are entitled to give your money to your parents. Nevertheless do not do so in a manner that will cause any problems in your home.
4. Daily read the Fazaa’il Aa’maal for about 10 minutes with your husband. Insha Allah this will soften his heart.
Was Salaam
Allah Ta’ala Knows Best