Question:
Assalaamu ‘alaikum
Respected ‘Ulama
I have been married for several years. Recently, my husband committed adultery in a hotel room with a woman he had known for only a week. I discovered this purely by chance. I later spoke to the woman involved, and she claimed that she knew my husband was wealthy and intended to obtain money from him, and that she therefore lured him into this sin.
My husband has since repented and is performing his salaah and other religious obligations. However, I am unable to let the matter go. I constantly feel the urge to know more details about what took place in that room. I am unable to accept what happened, especially as we previously enjoyed what I believed to be a perfect marriage. My husband maintains that this incident had nothing to do with me or our marriage, and that he merely went astray.
I find myself unable to exercise sabr. Daily, I relive the incident, which leads to renewed arguments and tension between us.
What should I do?
Please advise
Jazaakallahu Khairan
Answer:
Bismihi Ta‘ala
Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh
Respected Sister
Undoubtedly, your husband’s action was extremely reprehensible. Your feelings of shock, pain, and disappointment are completely natural. It is indeed tragic that, despite enjoying a seemingly happy marriage, he succumbed to committing such a grave and vile sin.
There are many factors that lead to such moral failures. Often, these sins are fuelled by exposure to immoral literature, viewing haraam content on the internet, misuse of mobile phones, and engaging in unlawful interactions through social media platforms.
Regrettably, the past cannot be undone. What has occurred is deeply painful and distressing, yet it has already taken place. The concern now is how to move forward from this point.
Firstly, your husband must engage in sincere taubah, turning to Allah Ta‘ala with remorse, and begging for His forgiveness. He must distance himself entirely from bad company and all sources of temptation, including inappropriate media, television, unrestricted internet use, etc. It is essential that he keeps the company of the pious and righteous.
Secondly, if your husband’s repentance is sincere, then by the mercy of Allah Ta‘ala, he has been forgiven. For your own emotional wellbeing and inner peace, and in recognition of Allah Ta‘ala’s forgiveness, you too should strive to forgive him for the pleasure of Allah Ta‘ala. Forgiveness requires great courage and immense sabr. The initial bitterness of sabr is often difficult to bear, yet its outcome is sweet in this world and far sweeter in the Hereafter.
There is no benefit in seeking further details of what transpired. In fact, it is necessary for your husband to completely suppress and forget the incident. He must never disclose this sin to anyone, as exposing one’s sin is itself sinful. When Allah Ta‘ala forgives a servant, He erases the sin from the person’s record. You should endeavour to do the same by erasing it from your life and heart. Through this, you will attain peace. Persisting in revisiting the incident will only cause you further harm, more than it harms your husband.
Shaitaan first succeeded in misleading your husband, and he now seeks to exploit this incident to destroy your marriage and your happiness. Do not allow him to succeed.
May Allah Ta‘ala grant you strength, patience, and tranquillity. May He grant your husband complete hidaayah, protect your marriage, and bless you both with goodness in this world and the Hereafter.
Was Salaam
Answered by:
Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama