Question:
Assalaamu ‘alaikum
My husband views porn material and even forwards it to others. I’m not allowed to see his phone. It wasn’t a problem before, because I used to help him with his work.
I have no reason to believe that he is cheating on me, but I am disappointed and disgusted that he can share such vile material with others.
I know if I confront him, he will be angry at me. How do I deal with this?
Answer:
Bismihi Ta‘ala
Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barkaatuh
Respected Sister in Islam
It is totally haraam and extremely disgusting to watch such material and even worse to also pass it on to others. It is a compounded sin. Anyone else who looks at the filth will bear the sin of their action and the one who sent it will also get the full sin.
It appears that you wish to do something about it without directly confronting him. Under the circumstances, we advise that you do the following:
1. Since he is passing it on to others you can make it appear (without actually saying so) as if you are one of those who received this material from a person to whom he passed it on. From an anonymous email address keep advising him on the harms of this. Do not send too much at one time. Keep it short. Keep reminding about death. Always be very respectful and express sincere compassion. Ensure that your style of writing is not detected. If you can, you may ask someone to help you draft the messages.
2. Daily make sincere and deep-hearted du‘aa for him. Continue with this diligently.
3. Start off with the ta’leem of the Fazaail-e-Aa’maal. Do it even for just 5 minutes daily.
4. While travelling, play some CDs of the talks of senior Mashaayikh.
5. Encourage him to join the programmes of a senior ‘Aalim he may be compatible with.
Answered by:
Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama