Assalaamu ‘alaikum

I am a divorced girl. After my divorce I met a guy on Facebook. He was going through a separation and I helped him through it. He used to smoke weed and gamble and I told him I can’t marry someone who does such things. We were on and off for 2 years … but eventually we went our own ways. It’s been 5 years since we’ve been friends … just friends.

I realised that I really love him when he moved on but I left it in Allah’s hands and tried to move on. The thing is every time I tried to get married to someone else there’s always an obstacle. Like the one guy that wanted to marry me, he’s family was against it and so we left it. Then one guy I was going to marry and met his parents but that too somehow didn’t work out. And then there was another guy who came and went.

The thing is this guy and his girlfriend broke up and I want to be with him. I sometimes get the feeling that we meant to be but I don’t. I read all my namaaz and it’s not that my faith is weak. I don’t want a relationship … I want marriage. And I don’t know if this guy and his girlfriend will get back together or not. He gives me mixed signals and I’m very confused.

Is it possible for me to make istikharah for guidance? I really don’t want to do haraam. I’m just looking to complete half my imaan and do things properly. Like if this guy is not meant for me I don’t want to keep talking to him. I’m in a state right now. Please advise.


Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

Respected Sister

You should firstly make sincere taubah for being in contact with this person for all these years. It is impermissible for you to be in contact with him, even if you may be just friends.

With regards to marrying him, you may make istikhaara to ask Allah Ta‘ala for guidance. You should also first adopt the normal procedures. Among the correct procedure is to first check the qualities of the person. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) has highlighted that the deen and character of the prospective groom be checked. If this is satisfactory, one should consider the proposal positively.

If he has sincerely repented from his bad habits and has been stable for a reasonable amount of time, does not engage anymore in haraam relationships, performs his salaah regularly, joins good company, etc, and has decent character, it will be fine to marry him.

You must also certainly take the guidance and direction of your parents and elders in these matters.

Perform your salaah regularly, avoid any sinful actions and engage in much istighfaar daily. Also daily recite “Yaa Jaami‘u Yaa Lateefu” 111 times together with durood shareef 7 times each before and after and then make du‘aa.

May Allah Ta‘ala grant you a suitable spouse and a blissful life in this world and the next, aameen.

Was salaam

Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama