(unedited – summarized)
Respected Ulama Panel
Kindly advise on the following matter:
I have a family member who can be very difficult at times. We have had some issues in the past but I have always tried to maintain the relationship. Recently, when I called her, she took off with me. After saying what she wanted to say, I told her that she has a very bad mouth. She then slammed the phone down on me. I wanted to call her a little later after cooling off. Before I could do this, she called and we both apologised to each other. My husband wants to keep away now.
My question is how do I maintain this family tie. I know that if I see her somewhere I will at least have to greet her. But, I no longer wish to call her. If I call, it will be a problem and if I don’t, it will also be a problem.
Wa alaikumus salaam warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh
Maintaining family ties is an extremely important aspect in deen. Astounding virtues have been mentioned for those who make an effort to strengthen the bonds of kinship. The gist of some of the many ahaadeeth in this regard are:
1. “The one who wishes to have blessings in his life and wealth should maintain family ties.” (Saheeh Bukhaari #5985)
2. “Kinship is suspended to the Throne of Allah Ta’ala and continues to make this du’aa: ‘The one who maintains me, may Allah Ta’ala maintain him. The one who severs me, may Allah Ta’ala sever him!’” (Saheeh Muslim #6519)
3. “Join ties with the one who severs relationship with you, give the one who has deprived you, and forgive the one who has oppressed you.” (Musnad Ahmad #17452)
If you fear that by visiting the said person it may create further tension, restrict the contact to calling occasionally. Make the call short. Alternatively, you may send her a sms if you feel it appropriate. If she responds positively, Alhamdulillah. If she responds negatively, you respond in a positive manner, keeping in mind the ahaadeeth mentioned above. Insha-Allah by your continued positive response, her heart will change and become positive. However, whether that happens or not, you will still have received the great benefits in this world and the Hereafter.
Also make a point of daily making du’aa for her. Take her name and make du’aa. Do this with diligence. Insha-Allah you will see the positive results of this in a short time.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best
29 Muharram 1434 / 13 December 2012
Uswatul Muslimah Panel of Ulama
Checked and approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee