Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law

Question:

Assalaamu ‘alaikum

Respected ‘Ulama

What are the rights of a mother-in-law over her daughter-in-law, and what are the rights of a daughter-in-law over her mother-in-law?

Jazakallah

Answer:

Bismihi Ta‘ala

Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

Respected Sister

Whilst fulfilling the rights of others is essential and vitally important in maintaining relationships, relationships are not built on the foundation of rights. Rather, they are built on the foundation of akhlaaq (good character).

Therefore, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should actually live like mother and daughter. If both consider themselves to be in the shoes of the mother or daughter, and then think carefully as to how they would have conducted themselves in that case, there will be very few problems between them.

A mother is very caring, overlooking, forgiving, compassionate and most considerate with regards to her daughter. If her daughter is married and living away, her heart is still with her daughter. The mother will call her regularly to find out how she is. She will send gifts for her, encourage her to overcome challenges, support her in her difficult circumstances and console her in her grief. If a daughter errs, the mother corrects her and guides her with love. If the daughter is ill, the mother excuses her from the daily chores, etc.

Likewise, a daughter goes out of her way to make her mother comfortable and to serve her. She does whatever possible with love and care. If her mother is ill, she will insist that the mother should leave the chores to her. If her mother corrects her or reprimands her, she does not take it personally.

Our beautiful Deen has taught us to focus on our responsibilities and duties to one another. When this will be everyone’s focus, there will be no one demanding rights from anyone else.

Also, we should start doing what is required of us and not wait for the next person to start. When we do our part, others will insha-Allah follow suit and we will get the reward of both.

Answered by:

Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama