My husband insists on having oral sex. He says that he won’t ejaculate and I won’t be swallowing anything napaak (impure). If I refuse to do so, I fear that he will seek pleasure elsewhere or file for divorce. For him, that is the main form of pleasure. I have heard some fatwas that say it is makrooh and others that say it is haraam. What does a female do in the event that her husband insists on it?
Assalaamu ‘alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
The tongue is a great gift of Allah Ta‘ala. Imagine what kind of life one will have to live if one suddenly became totally dumb. What a difficult life it would be? Apart from being able to speak in general, we use the tongue to take the most pure and great name of Allah Ta‘ala, to recite His Quraan, to recite durood on Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam), etc.
Shaikh Sa’di (rahimahullah) has mentioned a beautiful Persian couplet, the meaning of which is:
“If I wash my mouth a hundred times with musk and amber (ambergris), then too it will not be clean enough to recite durood.”
This is not meant to discourage from reciting durood. Instead, it is an eloquent and effective encouragement and strong emphasis on always keeping the mouth very pure and clean from all dirt and impurities.
Therefore, how can a believer soil the mouth in this disgusting manner? The private area is a place of impurity. A person who has any degree of sensibility, and more so a believer who has the high concept of tahaarah (purity) that the deen of Islam teaches us, will never apply the tongue or mouth to a place of impurity, even if it is outwardly clean at that moment.
Let alone a place of impurity, such a person will not even apply the mouth and tongue to a place of dirt, even though not najis and impure. For instance, the husband/wife rinses his/her nostrils completely and dries it in such a way that no mucus remains therein. The spouse is then asked to lick the inside of the nostril. Would this be regarded as fine? Does even the thought of doing this not make one cringe? Besides being a place of impurity, impure fluids are emitted from the private part during intimacy much before climax. It is totally haraam to ingest anything that is impure.
You should advise your husband to himself write and seek advice, or he should consult an experienced senior ‘Aalim. You should also commence ta’leem of the Fazaail-e-Aa’maal daily in the home. When the consciousness of Allah Ta‘ala develops in his heart, neither will he subject you to such actions nor will he look for pleasure elsewhere insha-Allah.
Uswatul Muslimah Panel of Ulama