Question:
Assalaamu ‘alaikum
Respected Mufti Saab
It’s going to be a year since I am divorced now. Yet I find myself constantly living in the past, thinking about my ex, and what we could’ve done. What I would have done differently in our separation period or why did it turn out like this. Why did I get married if this was going to be the outcome? These and many other questions and thoughts constantly play on my mind. I even dream of a world in which we are together. In reality I know that our marriage couldn’t have worked and I tried everything to save our marriage and sought help from senior ‘Ulama.
Now when I think of marriage the only thing I see is the lies, pain, hurt and affairs that come with it. Almost every marriage that I look at, one spouse is either cheating or getting hurt. There’s only a short period of happiness.
Please can Mufti Saheb recommend something that I can do to rid myself of these thoughts of my past that I battle with on a daily basis. I have been to a medical doctor and he prescribed tablets as I was going into a depression. I don’t like taking these tablets as they leave me very sleepy and make me feel as if I’m insane. I try as much as possible not to miss reciting my surahs after maghrib.
I know what happened was taqdeer. On some days my heart is content knowing it was a test from Allah Ta‘ala and I need to exercise sabr. On other days I can’t accept it.
Answer:
Bismihi Ta‘ala
Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barkaatuh
Respected Sister in Islam
Your plight was saddening. May Allah Ta‘ala grant you complete ‘aafiyat (peace).
While your situation, as well as the circumstances faced by many others is really tragic, alhamdulillah there are numerous marriages that are continuing very well. A good marriage is only possible if both partners adhere to deen and the sunnah. This will bring the desired good. Therefore, to think negatively of marriage in itself or that every marriage will turn into serious trouble is incorrect.
This life does not go without difficulties and trials. You only understand the beauty of the trial at the end. It is like the child who writes his exam and gets entrance into university – he only sees the beauty of the trial he went through after he passes it. Exactly the same are the trials of life. It is only when life comes to an end with death that one realises the beauty, the good and the excitement it has produced. Hence, repeatedly ponder over the rewards and merits that Allah Ta‘ala has in store for those who endure. A good guide will be Fazaail-e-Sadaqaat. Read it in the mornings and evenings.
Further, do the following:
1. Make excessive shukr for all the innumerable favours of Allah Ta‘ala upon you. While your divorce is truly distressing, there are still countless bounties that you enjoy. Insha-Allah you will feel positive.
2. Daily make du‘aa, if possible at the time of tahajjud. Insha-Allah, Allah Ta‘ala will bless you with a suitable spouse.
3. Also daily recite “Ya Jaami‘u, Ya Lateefu” 111 times together with durood shareef 7 times before and after with the intention of being blessed with a good husband.
May Allah Ta‘ala cure you from the pain that you are experiencing.
Answered by:
Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama