Question:
Assalaamu ‘alaikum
I require some advice regarding the rights of daughter-in-laws. My mother-in-law swore at me and said that I was never a daughter-in-law to her so she doesn’t care and doesn’t want anything to do with me. My father-in-law even called me shouting and screaming and telling me that my mother-in-law won’t ask for maaf and I must lower myself. He then cut the call.
After this I am completely heartbroken as well as disheartened towards them. I do not want to go to their home or see them anymore. Please advise the best and correct way to handle this situation. It is very difficult to suppress my feelings, because every time I see them I will remember how disrespectful and demeaning they are to the daughter-in-law of the house. Is this fair to me as a daughter-in-law and what are my rights?
Answer:
Bismihi Ta‘ala
Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barkaatuh
Respected Sister in Islam
Your plight is indeed saddening. Unfortunately, people do not realize the importance of akhlaaq or the importance of fulfilling the rights of others.
Nevertheless, you have asked about what are your rights as a daughter-in-law. Among your rights are to be treated with respect and dignity, that your in-laws be fair and just to you and that you be treated as a daughter is treated.
Since you have requested for advice on the best way of handling the situation, here is our advice:
Relationships are not built on the foundation of rights. While fulfilling the rights of others are essential and are vitally important in maintaining relationships, relationships are built on the foundation of akhlaaq. The higher stages of Jannah are promised for those who adopt good akhlaaq. It is also mentioned in the hadeeth: “There is nothing heavier on the scales of good deeds on the day of Qiyaamah than good character.” (Sunan Tirmizi #2002)
The crux of good character that has been mentioned in the hadeeth is: “Join ties with the one who severs relationship with you, give the one who has deprived you, and forgive the one who has oppressed you.” (Musnad Ahmad #17452)
Our suggestion to you is to fight fire with water. The end-result will be very cooling for all insha-Allah, and especially for you in the grave and in the Hereafter. Fighting fire with fire burns up everyone’s peace, including your own.
We therefore suggest that you adopt the approach of good akhlaaq, as mentioned above, only for the pleasure of Allah Ta‘ala. Ignore the hurtful statements made against you. While it may still be at the back of your mind, conduct yourself as if it never happened.
Do whatever you can to serve your mother-in-law and give her full respect, despite her attitude and incorrect manner. Insha-Allah, your sacrifice of your emotions and adopting good akhlaaq will bring its results soon in this world and also in the Hereafter. Insha-Allah you will find that gradually the hearts of your in-laws will turn positively towards you with respect and love.
Also do the following:
1. Daily recite “Ya Subboohu Ya Quddoosu Ya Ghafooru Ya Wadoodu” 7 times and make du‘aa.
2. Also recite the same 3 times and very discreetly blow on your mother-in-law.
3. Read this du‘aa and booklet. Insha-Allah you will benefit greatly.
May Allah Ta‘ala unite the hearts of all in the family and grant love and understanding.
Answered by:
Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama