Once, a poor woman, carrying her two daughters, came to Sayyidah ‘Aaishah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) to seek assistance. Sayyidah ‘Aaishah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) gave the woman three dates. On receiving the three dates, the poor woman gave one date each to her two daughters, and then raised the third date to her mouth to eat it herself. However, as she was about to eat the date, her two daughters asked her to give them the third date.
As Sayyidah ‘Aaishah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) watched, she saw the mother take the third date away from her mouth, break it into half, and give half to each daughter. Sayyidah ‘Aaishah (radhiyallahu ‘anha) was affected by this scene, of the mother’s selfless compassion for her daughters, and foregoing her own food, preferring to remain hungry for the sake of her daughters’ comfort. Hence, she thereafter mentioned what she had witnessed to Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) said to her, “On account of this action, Allah Ta‘ala has made Jannah binding for her, and has freed her from Jahannam.” (Saheeh Muslim #6694 & Musnad Ahmad #24611)
Indeed, a mother’s love for her child is proverbial, and there are countless incidents of mothers sacrificing their own comfort for the sake of their children. This quality, of a mother showing compassion and love to her child, is beloved to Allah Ta‘ala and is among the praiseworthy and admirable qualities in the life of a woman. Thus, in one hadeeth, Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) mentioned that the best of the Arab women are the pious women of the Quraish.
Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) thereafter explained that the reason for these women being regarded as the best women among the Arabs is that they possess two outstanding qualities; (1) they show the most amount of compassion and love to children when they are small (2) they are extremely protective over the wealth of their husbands and do not burden them financially. (Saheeh Bukhaari #5082 & Mirqaat vol. 6, pg. 266)
Today, we find that many children are such that they have good food to eat, and good clothing to wear. Their parents spend money on them in fulfilling their physical needs, and if they are able to, they even invest money for their children’s future. However, all of this relates to the physical needs of the children, and while the physical needs are important, the Deeni needs of the child are certainly more important.
The Deeni needs of the child are fulfilled through the parents carrying out the tarbiyah (Islamic upbringing) of the child correctly, and this requires the parents to sacrifice their time and energy in order to spend it in moulding the child in the mould of the sunnah. For this, the parents will have to be hands-on, spending time with their children and keeping them under their supervision.
Unfortunately, there are two major impediments today that have ‘robbed’ the children of this tarbiyah and valuable, quality time which they require from their parents. The first is the cell phone, and the second is hobbies or entertainment.
If the parents are not glued to their phones, surfing the web, browsing social media or entertaining themselves in some other way, then it is their hobbies that consume their time and energy. Going to the gym, playing padel tennis, shopping, meeting with friends for coffee or a night out – these are just some of the hobbies that rob the children of their parents’ time which they rightfully deserve.
Sadly, many parents have become so selfish that they put their hobbies before the fardh needs (tarbiyah) of their children. They regard their own children to be a burden and obstacle in the way of their fun and entertainment, and prefer to indulge in their hobbies while neglecting their own children.
Worse is when the parents, to appease their conscience so that they do not feel as though they are ignoring their children – ‘solve’ the problem by giving the children their own phones, or sending them for their own hobbies. In reality, all the parents have done is keep the kids busy so that they are free to indulge in their own interests and hobbies.
Such behaviour reflects that the parent is most selfish and self-centred, and does not have complete love for their child. If the mother and father love their child as they ought to, then let alone their hobbies and entertainment – they would happily sacrifice their own needs and necessities for the progress and benefit of their children.
We must remember that a child is a gift and an amaanah (a trust) from Allah Ta‘ala. This gift and amaanah comes with responsibilities, and on the Day of Qiyaamah, we will be questioned regarding whether we fulfilled these responsibilities or not. If we fail to invest the required time and energy into our children’s tarbiyah, due to which they tread the wrong path in life, leading lives far from Deen and the sunnah, then we will have a perpetual share in the sin of all the wrong that they do, as we placed them on the path of evil.
On the contrary, if we take our responsibility as parents seriously, and attend to their tarbiyah correctly, then throughout their lives, whenever they carry out some good deed, we will insha-Allah have a share in the reward, as we placed them on the path of piety.
Furthermore, just as the mother’s compassion, in the abovementioned incident, became the means of her entering Jannah and gaining salvation from Jahannam, we have hope that if we give preference to our children over ourselves, then Allah Ta‘ala will similarly bless us and forgive us.
May Allah Ta‘ala assist us to be good parents, to give preference to our children’s Deeni needs, and may He make our children a means of us acquiring reward throughout our lives and after our demise as well, aameen.