Question:

(summarised)

Respected Moulana

Recently, a relative and I had an argument which she blew out of proportion. This has left an extremely bitter taste. I do not think that our relationship can be the same again after this incident.

Please advise.

Answer:

Bismihi Ta‘ala

Respected Sister

Assalaamu ‘alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

It was incorrect for her to escalate the petty issue between the two of you in the way that she did. This is naturally going to leave a sour taste.

The issue nevertheless is your relationship in future with her. There are two ways of handling the issue. One is to fight fire with fire. Generally the end result of this is that everything burns down – our own happiness, serenity, concentration in ‘ibaadat, and almost everything is seriously affected by the fire of animosity that rages when we try to fight fire with fire.

The second way of handling it is to fight fire with water. This will result in the fire being extinguished and the heat being replaced with cool conditions. Your relative lit a fire with her wrong conduct. You extinguish it with the water of good akhlaaq.

Firstly, adopt patience. For this you will get the togetherness of Allah Ta‘ala. Allah Ta‘ala is with the patient ones.

Then adopt the good character of returning ill treatment with good treatment. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) is reported to have said: “Join ties with the one who severs relationship with you, give the one who has deprived you, and forgive the one who has oppressed you.” (Musnad Ahmad #17452) For this good character you will be rewarded very greatly. Rasulullah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) is reported to have said in this regard: “There is nothing heavier on the scales of good deeds on the day of Qiyaamah than good character.” (Sunan Tirmizi #2002) Therefore, in the spirit of practicing on this hadeeth, if someone has thrown “thorns” on your path, you spread “rose petals” for them to walk on. By adopting this good character, in a short time, love and respect will insha-Allah be created in the hearts of those who are negative towards you.

Another very effective remedy for this situation is that daily make du‘aa for her. Take her name and sincerely pray for her, even for a minute or two. Make du‘aa that she be granted the best of both worlds with ‘aafiyat (ease). Insha-Allah you will notice the difference this will make.

May Allah Ta‘ala grant love and understanding between all.

11 Jumaadal Ukhraa 1434 / 22 April 2013

Answered by:

Uswatul Muslimah Panel of Ulama

Checked and approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee