Question:

Assalaamu ‘alaikum

Respected ‘Ulama

I am in my early twenties and not yet married. This is now a terribly hard and hurtful topic for me. I have many younger cousins who are getting married. Every nikaah I attend is like a bullet going through my already broken heart. The whispers have become louder and the fingers pointed in my direction have become more aggressive.

There are times when I am tempted to just find my own boy and live my life but the fear and love of Allah Ta‘ala will never allow me to do so. I have reached a really low point in my life and there is nothing I can do to bring myself out of my misery. What can I do take myself out of this pitiful state that I find myself in?

Request for special du‘aas.

Jazakallah

Answer:

Bismihi Ta‘ala

Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

Respected Sister

1. It is part of human nature that one wishes to settle in life, be married and have a family, etc. It is our fervent du‘aa that Allah Ta‘ala bless you with a compatible and suitable spouse very soon. However, the aspect to bear in mind is that while it is a challenge to not yet have achieved this, one should nevertheless always focus towards the millions of people, rather billions, who are in much greater challenges than you. This will insha-Allah enable one to be patient and the situation will not become overwhelming.

2. The wisdom of Allah Ta‘ala is infinite. Allah Ta‘ala is Al-Hakeem (The All Wise). Being Al-Hakeem, every decree of Allah Ta‘ala is filled with wisdom. It is not necessary that we will be able to fathom even a fraction of that wisdom. However Allah Ta‘ala is Al-Haakim as well. He has full right to do as He pleases. He is our Creator and we are His creation and mere slaves. We therefore must submit to Him. Even though we may feel disappointed over some issue due to our weak nature, mentally we must submit to Allah Ta‘ala and have full conviction that there is tremendous wisdom in whatever has happened. Also, in such circumstances keep reflecting on this aayah:

عَسَىٰ أَن تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰ أَن تُحِبُّوا شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّـهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ

“Perhaps you dislike a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Ta‘ala knows, while you know not.”

3. Every morning, before you think about the fact that you are still ‘single’, first think about the fact that alhamdulillah you have imaan, you are physically fine with all your limbs and faculties in order, you have a family around you, you have a roof over your head and in fact a comfortable place to live in. You have innumerable bounties and gifts of Allah Ta‘ala that you benefit from all the time, etc. etc. First make deep shukr for all this. Make shukr individually for as many aspects as you can, by pondering over one thing at a time and saying ALHAMDULILLAH deeply each time. Then, if you wish, think about the issue of being single and make du‘aa to Allah Ta‘ala to bless you with a compatible, pious spouse.

4. Adopt taqwa and patience while awaiting a suitable proposal. Nikaah is a major step in life. Hasty decisions are not suitable. Sometimes a suitable match is found relatively easily and sometimes it may take a while. One should be patient and continue making more aa’maal and du‘aa.

5. Daily recite “Yaa Jaami‘u Ya Lateefu” 111 times together with durood shareef seven times before and after. Then make earnest du‘aa to Allah Ta‘ala. Also daily perform 2 rakaats of nafl salaah with the intention of Salaatul Haajah and make du‘aa. If you can do this at the time of Tahajjud, it will be very much more effective.

6. As for the totally insensitive comments of people and their whispers, totally ignore it. Do not respond or even take notice. At the time when anyone makes any comment or does something that is hurtful, immediately start ‘talking’ to Allah Ta‘ala in your heart, such as: “Ya Allah, You know my situation. I am happy with Your decree. I beg for your ‘aafiyat (ease). Bless me with a most compatible and suitable spouse… etc.” Do not take the comments to heart. Rather treat them like the utterance of someone who is talking in their sleep.

May Allah Ta‘ala bless you with a compatible spouse soon who will be a source of comfort and happiness in every respect.

Answered by:

Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama