Ever heard of the ‘terrible two’s’? It’s the age where your endearing, innocent angel suddenly seems to transform into a bundle of tantrums. Even a mundane task such as feeding him or her becomes a battle of wills with the kitchen floor serving as the battlefield, covered in the debris of yet another meal refused.
Soon after follow the ‘terrifying threes’, ‘fearsome fours’ and ‘furious fives’. This breakdown in behaviour sometimes even continues into the ‘sour sixes’, ‘sneaky sevens’, ‘evil eights’ and ‘nasty nines’!
Many mothers understandably face frustration as they struggle to cope with the challenge of balancing their numerous chores together with dealing with children who are bent on being difficult. In this regard, implementing the following will insha-Allah prove helpful:
1. Difficult behaviour is generally nothing more than a plea for attention and is thus often witnessed when the child feels insecure e.g. when there is a new sibling who is now rivalling him or her for attention. For a child, this is a natural reaction so try to give the child extra attention and love so that he feels secure.
2. If the child has a ‘meltdown’ in behaviour, then we should not follow suit by also losing our composure and temper, as this will literally double the problem. Instead, remain calm and try to remind yourself that this is a test from Allah Ta‘ala for which you will be greatly rewarded, provided that you exercise sabr (patience) and do not lose your temper.
3. Be steadfast on the aa’maal (good actions) of the home, viz. Daily ta’leem, reciting the Quraan Majeed (preferably loud enough that the children can hear), du‘aa, istighfaar and zikr. All these aa’maal will draw the mercy of Allah Ta‘ala together with ‘sakeenah’ (divine tranquillity and peace).
4. Try to pacify and console the child with love and compassion. If this does not work, try to distract the child.
5. Remove all Shaitaani influences from the home and life of the child, e.g. television, music, toys, books or clothing with pictures of animate objects. All these are factors that drive the angels of mercy away.
6. Lastly, turn to Allah Ta‘ala and pour out your heart to Him. Cry to Him and lay your complaint before Him. Beg Him to make your children the coolness of your eyes.