Question:

Assalaamu ‘alaikum

Respected ‘Ulama

I have been married for several years and have young children. One of my main challenges is that my husband is not fulfilling his responsibility of providing for the family. He often expects me to manage the household expenses, sometimes even suggesting that I seek help from my family. When I raise the issue of finances, it frequently turns into an argument, with accusations that I am not doing enough or that I am supporting others besides my household.

At times, my husband has even told me to leave when I ask him to contribute more. He believes that since we live in his house, I should be grateful and not ask for further support, even though I already spend a significant amount of my earnings on groceries, household help, and other daily needs.

Although I try to assist by working from home, sewing, or doing online work, I feel guilty that my children are being neglected. I am deeply worried about whether I am managing correctly and whether my approach is right.

Please advise on the following:

1. What is my husband’s responsibility in this matter according to sharee‘ah?

2. How should I balance helping him with maintaining my children’s needs and my own well-being?

3. What steps can I take to address this situation without it always turning into conflict?

Jazakallahu Khairan

Answer:

Bismihi Ta‘ala

Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

Respected Sister

1. According to sharee‘ah, it is the husband’s duty to provide for his wife and children. This includes rent or housing, food, clothing, water, electricity, and other essential living costs. The wife is not responsible for these expenses. Any contribution she makes is purely out of her goodwill and excellent character, for which she will be rewarded. She cannot be compelled to work in order to maintain the household.

2. If you feel overburdened and unable to cope, it is important that your husband understands this. Consider communicating your feelings respectfully in writing rather than in direct conversations, which often escalate. In your message, acknowledge his efforts, but also suggest practical ways he could assist in providing for the family. You may also propose small business ideas or home industry work in which he could participate.

3. In the meantime, try to fix a schedule where your work does not affect your children’s quality time. Prioritise their upbringing and tarbiyah as much as possible.

May Allah Ta‘ala grant barakah in your home, guide your husband to fulfil his responsibilities with wisdom, and bless you for your patience and sacrifices.

Answered by:

Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama